Umbridge Goes To The Moon (Or Tries To)
by The New York Bear
Summary: Dolores Umbridge is convinced space travel is easy. If muggles can do it then how hard can it really be? Too bad she doesn't do her homework when she decides to do space traveling of her own.


**A/N - This is just a bit of nonsense that popped into my head. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: ****_Harry_**_** Potter**_** does not belong to me. It belongs to J. K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing a few of her characters for a bit.**

"That's the biggest load of hippogriff dung I've ever heard!"

"Really Dolores!" exclaimed her colleague, "there's no need for you to use language like that."

"Did I offend you? My _apologies_" said a sarcastic Dolores Umbridge, Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic, "but there is no way this fanciful story of yours is true. Muggles going into space? Ridiculous!"

"It's true" was the reply, "the Americans have been sending something they call a 'space shuttle' up into space for years. The latest shuttle went up yesterday. And between '69 and '72 they went to the moon several times."

Umbridge's eyes widened at that statement before she burst into laughter.

"Now I know you're making up stories" she said, "Go to the moon? Please! Lowly muggles aren't capable of doing anything of the sort. I'll hear no more of this nonsense."

Her colleague just shrugged and walked away while Umbridge continued to laugh. For much of the rest of the day she would get the giggles whenever she thought of the sheer ridiculousness of uncouth muggles going to the moon. Her good mood lasted all the way into her meeting with Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic.

"You seem to be happy about something today" observed Fudge as she sat down in his office. He was looking at a report.

"Just laughing over ridiculous stories about muggles going into space and going to the moon" said Umbridge with a smirk.

"Oh they did that" said Fudge in an offhand manner as he continued his browsing so he didn't see the shocked expression appear on Umbridge's face.

"What?!" exclaimed Umbridge in horror.

"Oh yes" said Fudge looking up at her, "I remember hearing all about the moon landings from a muggle-born friend of mine back at the time they happened. I didn't believe him at first but he showed me the proof. Extraordinary. Especially when you realize it was muggles who did it."

"I don't believe it!" said Umbridge.

"The Prime Minister recently told me that there are plans to build a space station in the next few years, one that many countries can use" said Fudge as his eyes took on a slightly dreamy expression, "that would be something, wouldn't it Dolores? To be able to look down on the Earth from up so high? Too bad there isn't a magical version."

That made Umbridge sit up and take notice. For the rest of her meeting her mind began thinking about magicals going into space. If muggles could do it how hard could it really be? She would show everyone that wizards and witches could do anything muggles could do – and do it better. She, Dolores Umbridge, would make history by going to the moon herself! Tonight!

Unfortunately Umbridge was so convinced of the superiority of magicals to muggles that she didn't to stop and think her plan through. She didn't bother to actually research how the muggles had managed to go to the moon. She didn't spend any time learning about the nature of space or what the dangers might be. Yes, she had taken astronomy in Hogwarts but that had been about learning how the stars and planets related to magic. There had been no information on what outer space was really like or just how far away the stars and planets were.

As far Umbridge was concerned if muggles could do it then she could do it. It wasn't like the moon was very far away after all. She could see it in the sky in some detail. She knew it was bigger than it looked and it had to be big enough to actually stand on but it wasn't that much bigger, was it?

That night she went into the garden behind her house and looked up at the moon. On this day, July 14, 1995, it was two days past full so most of it was visible. Umbridge knew that in order to apparate to a specific place you had to know what your destination looked like. She stared hard at the moon and focused on it as well as she could to get it fixed in her mind. She concentrated on her destination as much as she could. She gathered up all of her magic, took a breath, twisted on her heel and vanished with a loud crack.

* * *

Umbridge didn't make it to the moon. 384,402 kilometers is much too far for any wizard or witch to apparate. She _did_ make it into orbit though. She reappeared a couple of hundred miles above the surface of the Earth floating in space. It was only then that the consequences of her not bothering to research what outer space was like kicked in.

What happened after that need not be described in detail. Suffice it to say that Umbridge never made it home and no one in the wizarding world ever knew what happened to her. She would not send dementors after Harry Potter later that summer nor would she become the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts the following fall.

* * *

Terence T. Henricks, commander of the space shuttle _Discovery_ looked in askance at his pilot.

"Would you mind explaining to me" he said, "why there appears to be a dead woman floating outside the shuttle just a few meters away from us? And why is she not wearing a space suit?"

"Are you sure that's a woman?" asked shuttle pilot Kevin R. Kregel, "it looks more like a big fat toad to me – even if it is wearing pink."

\- END -

**Time Line of the story:**

**July 12, 1995 - Full moon**  
**July 13, 1995 - Space Shuttle ****_Discovery_**** takes off from the Kennedy Space Center**  
**July 14, 1995 - Umbridge apparates into space. The ****_Discovery_**** crew see her body.**  
**July 22, 1995 - ****_Discovery_**** lands at the Kennedy Space Center (they do not bring back Umbridge's body).**


End file.
